23 Feb Reframing Rejection
An opportunity for revision
It’s an unavoidable aspect of existence that affects nearly every facet of living. ❥ You interview, but don't get hired. ❥ You date, but can't find reciprocation. ❥ You write, but you can't get published.
Each of these is a form of rejection, and all of these require persistence and effort to overcome. If you keep working toward the desired outcome, you will eventually get hired, meet someone who matches your energy, or see your writing published.
It’s easy to tell someone to keep at it, try harder. At some point, something has got to stick, right? If I put in the work and I keep trying, success is inevitable. But what about the middle part, where everything can feel rather depressing?
There’s this portion of the path we all end up walking along when we set out to reach a goal. It’s a little dark, a bit lonely, and often daunting. It appears after those first steps, beaming with confidence and energy. Things quiet down, we start questioning ourselves, and the universe begins testing how deeply we wish to reach our intended destination.
The real challenge is maintaining buoyancy, not the grunt work. The only way to the finish line involves finding ways to shield oneself from the shrapnel of exploding hope. So how?
One way is to reframe your perception of the outcome when it’s not the one you’d hoped for.
“No one wants to hire me. I must be unemployable.”
Are you applying to nursing positions with an associate’s degree in liberal arts? Delusional in that case, but not unemployable. Revamp your resume and apply to jobs that align. Ask for interview feedback. At the end of the day, remember that interview panelists are people. They fight with their siblings. They hold grudges. Sometimes, they simply don’t want to hire the person who looks like the sister they told off via text the night before.
“Not getting this job left me available for the even better position coming my way.”
“Dating is impossible. I must be unlovable. I’m destined to be alone.”
For every person it doesn’t work out with, the universe may be saving you money on future therapy sessions. Turn them into characters in your stories. After all, your schedule is wide open for writing. Or do something new, and then write about that.
“It didn’t work out with them, but it freed me up to take those scuba lessons I’ve been wanting to try.”
“No one wants to publish me. I’m clearly not good at this writing thing.”
Rejection is an opportunity, not a denial. It’s a window opening when a door closes. Take a moment to assess where you can improve. Filter through any feedback that might be useful. It’s a chance to try again. And again. And. Again. Until it happens. Because it will, but you have to believe that first.
“This rejection is a chance to revisit that piece and keep submitting until someone loves it as much as I do.”
If only I had this mentality years ago when I was dedicated to pursuing writing as a career. Instead, I let the hard part take me out of the game. I told myself that I must not be good enough. I put writing aside in the pursuit of other interests.
I buried it deeply and with care. It always remained my truest passion, but the intrusive voice all writers have eventually hushed itself. No more finding its way onto napkin scraps and random texts to myself.
Then one day it roared so loudly that it could no longer be ignored.
Maybe it’s for the best that things worked out this way. What’s for you will always find you. And for whatever reason, I need to write or something inside feels lost. So I’m not going to stop, and my abilities won’t be invalidated simply because I get told “not today.”
I’m no longer trying to get published to prove my worth. If anything, I’m doing it for the audacity. I’m having fun.
Aren’t we all having fun? Cutting ourselves wide open to let the world take a glimpse. Sharing this human experience, hoping it resonates with someone else’s. Making art out of language and playthings out of emotions.
Inspiration: I received my first submission rejection after returning to the craft.
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